Not this past Saturday but the one before my grandpa Coombs suffered from a stroke. This man is one that has ALWAYS been in my mind. Our relationship has been building slowly through the years, and I now have such a full heart I have to write.
When I first heard that my grandfather had suffered this stroke I cried, I was in shock and I was very sad. But really I went on with my day and my week. I live farther away than most of my family and I do not hear or see them daily. It is hard not get swept away in my own little Cedar City life. But my sweet grandpa has been hiding, deep with in my heart, waiting to be remembered. As I said before my relationship with my grandfather has just recently been developing. In fact I said to my mom when they all came down for Caden’s baby blessing, that the conversations held then with my amazing grandparents was the first time I felt like an adult talking with adults.
No I would not have any of you believe that the relationship was weak or insignificant, if you know my grandparents you know that their hearts are ALWAYS open. The relationship was not what is should be because of me. I have always been so intimidated by my mom’s family. The term “Walking among giants” is a really good way to describe the family, and my grandpa in my eyes is the GREATEST most LOVING man alive today. I always wanted to feel closer to him, but up until now I have let my insecurities with my own family hold me back.
I am not saying that tomorrow everything will change, or that I am now going to act and feel differently around them all. In fact I bet this blog will come as a surprise to many of them. But I am going to try to lower my guards, stop caring and just love, and let them love me.
This situation with my grandfather has been so difficult for all of our family; the blogs have been filled with good and bad days. We are all coming together as one unit to support and build up the patriarch and matriarch of our family.
I have to blog today to say that I love my grandpa so much. I want him to be around for A LOT longer so that I can build the relationship I want to have with him. I want my children to truly meet this man and understand him; I want to truly understand him.
Although I am so sad that the things have happened to my grandfather, and that he is struggling now, but I am grateful that this has made me realize that I am part of this family. And the thoughts of doubt, the insecurities and negative feelings, were 100% self induced, and if I want to build a relationship with my grandparents, I have to make the steps to have it.
I did not mean this blog to be so depressing, or to bare my soul’s secrets so fully but there you have it. Please help me.
Grandpa Coombs, you are an amazing man. You are a true lover of the gospel and someone that I try to emulate. I love you. I love your smile. I love your singing. I love you calm confidence. I love the way you teach life lessons to your family. I love that you are so willing to share. I am so grateful that you chose to be married for time and all eternity, and raised your children in the gospel. Thank you for being my grandpa. I pray our relationship just gets stronger and stronger!
I love you,
KATY